LED menorah photo by Windell H. Oskay, www.evilmadscientist.com, used under CC attribution license.
While all of the gentiles (or goyim) are celebrating a holiday where all the gifts are opened at once — after being delivered through the chimney by an overweight icon in a red suit — I’ll be lighting a candle and opening one gift a night. Starting tonight at sundown. That’s right folks, I celebrate Chanukah. Or Hanukah, Hanuka, Hannukah, Hanukkah, Channukah or just חֲנֻכָּה. Basically, the spelling is up in the air as it’s a translation of sounds like any language based on symbols. I like to use Chanukah for some reason, maybe because the CH sound at the beginning forces me to make it sound like a Klingon word.
Now that we’ve established my religious preference (though if my wife would let me I’d convert to Pastafarian in a heartbeat) let’s take a look at eight random ways you can make Chanukah as geeky (or at least as fun) as humanly (or robotically) possible whether you celebrate it or not.
8. Light ‘Em Up!
Jewish or not, you probably know that Chanukah is traditionally called “The Festival of Lights” and includes the tradition of lighting the Menorah, one candle a night. How can lighting candles be geeky? Well, even if you’re not sitting in a giant LEGO menorah the lighting of the candles doesn’t have to be boring. You could build your own flamethrower to light the candles, or my personal favorite - just use your craft torch!
7. Plate Full of Latkes
One of the foods consumed (in great quantities in my house) around this time of year are Latkes. Simply put, they are fried potato pancakes. Imagine chopped up french fries, covered in onion rings and deep fried in hot oil. I like a little beer batter on mine. Latkes make the perfect all-night gaming snack, and go great with a Mountain Dew and an 8-hour session of WoW.
6. Everyone Can Sing
Jews don’t just say prayers, we sing them. Seriously. Over the years I’ve learned something — no-one in my family can sing. When reciting the blessings every night while lighting the candles, I cringe. Thanks to the magic of the iPhone and the genius of T-Pain, we have the I am T-Pain iPhone app, so you can simply record the blessing into your iPhone and auto-tune it! Amazing! Also, it can be used for all the other blessings, as well as Nana’s kvetching about how things were when she was young and poor.
5. Chanukah Viewing Party
Similar to the tradition of viewing A Christmas Story over and over and over on Christmas Eve, in my household we like to view Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights every night after we open gifts. It’s a hilarious animated movie that teaches a great lesson to kids about behavior and charity. Recently my brother suggested we add a new film to the Chanukah viewing rotation, for after the kids are in bed. Adam Goldberg’s The Hebrew Hammer. Probably the strangest and most original holiday film ever made. Though I’ve always preferred The Frisco Kid.
4. Go Read Comics
Stan "The Man" Lee. Image from the Wikimedia Commons and used under Creative Commons license. Excelsior!
It’s well known that Stan Lee and Jack Kirby are both Jewish and are responsible for creating a lot of the comic book characters out there. But those guys are real. Here’s a short list of some comic book characters that you may be familiar with that are lighting the Menorah this Chanukah. Except for Magneto, as he was born Jewish but turned his back on religion. Iceman (his mom is Jewish), Marvel Boy (Justice), Microchip (the Punisher’s assistant), Prime and of course, Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde) who wears her faith around her neck.
3. Chanukah Through Music
While we all are familiar with Adam Sandler’s now infamous Chanukah ballads, delighting in naming all the famous Jews and making pot jokes, fellow GeekDad Z helped me compile a list of some other great Chanukah-related music you may not have heard. From nerdcore to TMBG to Sarah Silverman, there is some good stuff here that you can easily find a place to download from (like iTunes, Amazon, etc.) and make yourself the perfect Chanukah mixtape.
Erran Barron Cohen (brother of Sasha) released an album of traditional Chanukah songs called Songs In The Key Of Hanukkah.
A great mashup from DJ Flack called “Dreidl-Bells.”
Senator Orrin Hatch wrote a Chanukah song. Go figure. It’s called “A Melody Fit for a Maccabee.”
A bit of musical comedy from the group Da Vinci’s Notebook (two of whom went on to become Paul and Storm), with their Alice in Chains-inspired cover of “Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel.” Wicked.
Music group The LeeVees put out an excellent album of modern Chanukah songs, Hanukkah Rocks. Among the songs are the very funny “At the Timeshare” and “Kugel.”
The Barenaked Ladies holiday album, Barenaked for the Holidays contains some Chanukah songs in that distinctive BNL style. Side note: Their song “Hanukkah Blessings” made it onto Rock Band.
They Might Be Giants also released a holiday EP a couple years back, with one Chanukah song on it, called “Feast of Lights.”
In the chiptune category, 8 Bit Weapon has included a Chanukah song on their new holiday album, It’s a Chiptune Holiday.
Let us also not forget the timeless Christmas Jews album released by the hilarious 2 Live Jews comedy music duo. It’s a contradiction of sorts, since it’s Jews ripping apart Christmas music with some Chanukah songs sprinkled in.
Finally, for your viewing pleasure (though not all safe for the geeklets) there is Sarah Silverman’s “Give the Jew Girl Toys” and the less inappropriate though still classic Kyle Broflovski’s “Lonely Jew on Christmas” ballad.
2. Record It All
As geeks, it’s our duty to get in everyone’s face with the new video camera. It’s our obligation to Twitter while opening gifts. It’s also in our best interest to take digital picture frames scattered throughout the house. But you already knew all that, you do it every weekend.
1. If You Build It, Presents Will Come
Whenever possible, a true geek doesn’t buy it. A true geek builds it. That rule holds for the centerpiece of the Chanukah holiday, the Menorah. For you gentiles, that’s the thing that holds the candles. For the kids, might I suggest a D.I.Y. Menorah kit? Just remember, whatever you build the Menorah out of, try not to make it flammable. Personally, I like a good solid metal one or one made out of old computer parts. If you are feeling lazy however, you can head over to Thinkgeek and buy one made from a motherboard with LED lighting. Pretty. Though if you want to get really hardcore geek with your Menorah, go with the Star Trek Pez LED Menorah. If you think making a Menorah is too tough, then go make a Droidel.
That’s it! So from all of us here at GeekDad have a fun and geeky Chanukah! Hope you get all eight gifts you asked for and more! I know I’m getting a handful of giftcards. L’Chaim y’all!
